In recent years, the concept of “family of origin” has been proposed, spread, and even misused. Some groups believe that any problems encountered in personality formation, habit cultivation, learning and work, intimate relationships, and emotional management are closely related to the “family of origin”. There are also some people who firmly believe that “my fate is determined by myself, not by heaven”; they think that family is only a small part of the environment, and everything else depends on their own efforts.
Originally, the family of origin is a concept in sociology, corresponding to the concept of the new family, often referring to families where unmarried children still live with their parents. From this, it can be seen that the family of origin actually describes a family pattern and the relationship between children and parents, without any emotional connotation.
So, does the influence of the family of origin really exist? How significant is this influence?
This has always been a highly controversial topic in psychology. Among all psychological counseling schools, the “psychoanalytic school” places more emphasis on the role of family in individual growth and shaping processes. We find that during counseling, therapists from the psychoanalytic or psychodynamic schools tend to inquire about the client's family patterns, relatives, personality, early experiences, and a series of topics related to “childhood” and “growth”. They are skilled at interpreting from this perspective. Meanwhile, through the client's “regression(regression)” during counseling, they can also find explanations and restore the real situations of childhood. Adler also said, “fortunate people use their childhood to heal their entire life, unfortunate people use their whole life to heal their childhood.”
Indeed, our self-perception and personality development often originate from family nurturing:
1. Being loved, supported, praised, and encouraged for a long time may make individuals more confident and secure;
2. Being criticized, controlled, belittled, and doubted during growth is more likely to weaken an individual's sense of security and stability .
Generally, in families with a lack of emotional communication, a lack of security, and frequent family conflicts may not only hurt the child's heart but also cause them to develop mistaken beliefs. For example, the child might think they are not good enough, which leads to parental dissatisfaction and subsequently family disputes. In this atmosphere, children are more accustomed to forcing themselves to relentlessly pursue perfection rather than accepting their imperfections; meanwhile, parents' failure in “giving love and expressing love” does not change with the child's efforts. Therefore, young children attributing fault to themselves is undoubtedly ineffective and self-consuming—they can neither satisfy their parents nor avoid deeper self-criticism. Gradually, this fosters personality traits such as self-doubt, low self-esteem, and emotional instability, which will affect their future development.